doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
