She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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