dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
