I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
