What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
