before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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