I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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