I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
