I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
