We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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