nut hugger
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
