Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
