your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
