so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
