you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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