I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
