cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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