A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
birth control should be required to get into college
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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