I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
