The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
