so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
