need another drink. this is the easiest way
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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