You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
