What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's get the cat blown out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
