just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
