I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
