Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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