i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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