He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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