Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
