Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
