just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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