Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
