first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
