I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
