what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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