I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
