I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
