Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
