as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
