Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
