Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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