OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
