I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
