Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
