I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
