Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
