btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
