So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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