I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
