You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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