dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
