i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
