Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
