If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The uberlube is also flammable
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
