I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
