i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
